


and a little of chicken fried

by allweneedofhell, The_Bisexual_From_Hell



Series: Hope and Josie go on dates [1]
Category: Legacies (TV 2018)
Genre: Crack, Dark Josie Saltzman, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-26
Updated: 2020-06-26
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:01:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24933436
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allweneedofhell/pseuds/allweneedofhell, https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Bisexual_From_Hell/pseuds/The_Bisexual_From_Hell
Summary: Josie was in the mood for some fried chicken. The other Josie, Good Josie, had been a vegetarian since she was 11 and saw a documentary on how chicken nuggets were made. Since being a villain was a piece of cake (seriously, why had no one told her that being the villain was so easy), she figured she deserved some fried chicken for fucks sake.orHope and Josie go on a date.orThe Chicken Ric Fic.
Relationships: Hope Mikaelson/Josie Saltzman
Series: Hope and Josie go on dates [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1804522
Comments: 12
Kudos: 64





	and a little of chicken fried

Josie was in the mood for some fried chicken. The other Josie, Good Josie, had been a vegetarian since she was 11 and saw a documentary on how chicken nuggets were made. Since being a villain was a piece of cake (seriously, why had no one told her that being the villain was _ so easy _ ), she figured she deserved some fried chicken for fucks sake.

If Good Josie didn’t want to eat chicken because it was cruel to animals, then who was she to deny her? It would be so simple to choose someone that was annoying her, turn them into a chicken, and then cook them. She could even ensure it was organic and juicy. 

“Josie, what are you doing?” Alaric asked. Apparently, she had been so distracted with the idea of delicious fried chicken that she hadn’t heard him come into the kitchen. 

“Oh, I’m going to make some fried chicken.” She replied in a tone that made his skin crawl. “Maybe I’ll even make some waffles to go with it.”

“You are a vegetarian, have been since that documentary.” His condescending tone was nothing new to her, nevertheless, it was annoying her to no end. Did he think she was  _ fucking _ stupid?!

“I also wasn’t committing murder before, but you know, people change.” She started looking for the fryer; her chicken needed to be top quality. “However, you have a point. I suppose I will respect other Josie’s wishes not to eat chicken.”

“hoc album conuertitur in mollis tellus, hoc album conuertitur in mollis tellus, hoc album conuertitur in mollis tellus.” She chanted, hoping the spell would work. 

Her father looked at her in confusion, but that puzzled expression soon morphed into terrified one. After a couple of excruciating seconds, his eyes started to bulge, his nose and mouth started to merge into a beak, he was sprouting white feathers and shrinking, until all that was left of Alaric Saltzman was a medium sized chicken in a grown man’s clothing. 

Chicken Ric realized his deadly fate and trotted away, tangling his tiny chicken legs in the jeans he was once wearing.

“Immobilus!” With a quick wave of her hand, Josie stopped him in his tracks. He fell over to the side, completely frozen, like a toy that had been knocked over. However, his eyes kept shifting as they filled with fear and began focusing on different things around the room, as if to find a way to save himself from becoming lunch. It was of no use. 

As she walked over to the paralyzed body of Chicken Ric, Josie realized how anti-climatic it all felt-she would have thought that committing patricide would have been more dramatic. Maybe she should have been feeling more intense things-hate, anger, rage-but in all honesty, she was just feeling hungry.

A quick snap of the neck and it was done. She had officially killed her own father with every intention of eating him. She wondered if it counted as cannibalism, but quickly shook the thought away. After all, he was just a chicken, and even if he wasn’t, he had always just been human and she had always been a witch. 

Just as she was about to start plucking Chicken Ric’s feathers, she heard someone else come into the kitchen. In annoyance, she thought about how having two chickens might be an excess of food but she could always freeze one. That thought however proved unnecessary, as soon as she saw that the person that had come in was none other than Hope Mikaelson, and you simply don't turn Hope Mikaelson into a chicken (despite the infinite supply that would provide). Maybe Dark Josie didn’t have morals other Josie had, but she certainly still had the hots for Hope. 

“Josie, what are you doing with a dead chicken?” Hope’s tone indicated some level of confusion and possibly a little shock. 

“Well, Hope, it would be cruel to cook a chicken alive, even for me,” Josie’s voice was dangerously flirty, and Hope was getting weak at the knees. “But if you  _ must _ know, I’m making fried chicken.”

“Josie doesn’t eat-’” is all Hope managed to get out before Josie’s finger pressed her lips together to sush her. Hope’s throat suddenly felt very dry and her pupils expanded, leaving her eyes a shade darker than before. 

“Yes, yes, save me the speech, other Josie doesn’t eat chicken, we all know. However, one, that isn't a real chicken; it's my dad and two, would you like to go on a fried chicken date with me?” Hope’s mouth opened and closed like a dead fish, her eyes now blown open. Josie thought the girl might be having a stroke, but was unsure whether it was caused by her asking Hope on a date or turning Alaric into a chicken. 

“Did you seriously just ask me out on a date in the same sentence that you confessed to you father’s murder?” She seemed kind of impressed by that. After all, other Josie has always been sort of shy. 

“Absolutely, is that a problem? Now, are you going to help me make some fried chicken so we can have a date or not?” Josie wanted to appear confident, but asking your crush to make fried chicken out of your dead father’s body wasn’t something she did on the regular. 

Hope was having a hard time making a decision. On one hand, she  _ really _ liked Josie; it’s the whole reason why she had broken up with Landon. Not to mention, there was something about Dark Josie that just did something to her. On the other hand, Josie had just killed her own father, and now she wanted to eat him. Hope really should say something about that. 

  
  


_ Fuck it. _

What did stupid morality even do for her? She was a god damn Mikaelson, after all. She really didn’t care as long as her loved one’s were safe, and Alaric had always been an asshole. He had constantly demonized her dad, tried to get rid of her ‘Mikaelson temper’, used her to fight monsters all the time, and tried to be more of a father to her than to his own daughters, just because he was scared of what she could become. Come to think of it, she has only tolerated him for the twins. 

“You know what, I would love to go on a fried chicken date with you Josie.” With those words, Josie gave her the biggest smile. She looked so cute, in her all black outfit and dark makeup, grinning from ear to ear. That’s when it truly hit Hope that Josie and Dark Josie were more alike than she thought, and at the end of the day, any Josie was still Josie. 

“Right, let’s get started then, shall we?” 

Hope and Josie made quick work plucking Chicken Ric’s feathers, until he was as naked as the day he was born. Josie divided up the pieces-two breasts, two thighs, two wings, and two legs, and set them to the side as Hope combined the flour and all the spices to make Chicken Ric truly delicious. She dipped each piece in the flour mixture, followed by buttermilk, then more flour to make it crispy. Josie plopped each piece in the frier, satisfied with the sizzling sound it made. 

“Should be done in fifteen.” Josie started to wash her flour covered hands in the sink. “What should we do till then?” She asked with a devilish smirk. 

Hope met her at the sink, swiftly moving her hands to meet Josie’s waist. Josie leaned down to pull the shorter girl into a searing kiss, immediately sighing into her mouth at the contact. Hope wasted no time pulling Josie even closer, until their chests were flush against each other. The tribrid sucked Josie’s bottom lip in between her own, relishing in the moan that came out of the siphoner’s mouth. Just as things were about to become more heated, the timer went off loudly, causing both girls to jump back in surprise. 

“How is my dad ruining our moments even when he’s dead, cooking in a fucking frier?” Josie pouted, carefully taking out each piece of delicious meat. 

“He smells so fucking good though, you’ve gotta admit.” 

“True. Sooo...picnic at the old mill? I know Penelope definitely left some of her stash there.” 

“Oh, so you smoke now?” Hope questioned, coming in behind Josie to nip at her neck. 

“I mean, we are going to eat fried chicken, Hope. Weed goes pretty well with that.” 

“I’m down for whatever, as long as it’s with you, Jo.” 

Josie turned around to kiss Hope again, when Lizzie busted through the doors to the kitchen.

“I THOUGHT I smelled something delicious in here.” Lizzie strutted in like she owned the place and since their dad was now dead, technically, she did. Without even bothering to ask, Lizzie grabbed a chicken wing, and took a bite. “This is really good, I could eat like a million pieces.” She said in between bites. “Have you seen dad? I’ve been looking for him all morning. Landon is dead again.” 

“Uh, Lizzie, you’re currently eating him.” said Hope, since she didn't think that Josie could talk at the moment with how much she was giggling. Apparently, your twin sister accidentally eating your father whom you have killed and turned into chicken was the most hilarious thing on the face of the earth.

Bits of chewed up Chicken Ric went flying- Lizzie spat it out faster than a vampire with superspeed. Her jaw dropped and a high-pitched scream came out her mouth, so ear shattering that both Hope and Josie had to cover their ears to protect themselves from going completely deaf. She fled from the room, and her shrieking not subsiding as she ran through the halls of the Salvatore School. 

“Uh, you think she’s going to be okay?” Hope questioned, looking down the hallway with a concerned expression on her face. 

“Who cares? She’ll get over it eventually. Our dad was a fucking dick.” Josie fished out a picnic basket from a nearby cupboard, packing away the fried chicken and other snacks. “Are you ready for our date?”

“Definitely.”

…

When they arrived at the Old Mill, Hope and Josie found a group of young wolves hanging out, tossing a football and smoking weed. Josie wasted no time in scaring them away, threatening to burn them alive if they didn’t scatter. 

“Jesus, Jo. That was a little harsh.” 

“I didn’t want anything ruining our date. Now c’mon, the chicken is going to get cold.” Josie set out a blanket on the dirty ground, and patted the ground next to her for Hope to join. She picked out an especially delicious looking drumstick, and offered it up to the tribrid with a smirk on her face. Hope laughed and bit into the chicken, juices dripping down her chin, marveling in the fact that Josie Saltzman was actually  _ feeding her.  _

They laughed the entire time, passing a joint through greasy fingers. Hope couldn’t remember the last time she had this much fun. Her life was just a series of unfortunate events, where she continued to lose the people she held closest to her. She thought she had lost Josie, when the black magic coursed through her veins, but the light was still there. And something about Dark Josie was just...so intriguing. 

And incredibly hot. 

Whatever. 

She couldn’t help but stare as Josie began to lick the chicken grease from her fingers, letting her tongue run over each digit before she released them from her lips with a soft pop. Hope could feel her eyes growing golden, especially when Josie noticed the tribrid studying her with a quiet intensity. 

“What?” The siphoner asked innocently, knowing damn well she was teasing the hell out of Hope. 

“You’re just...hot.” Hope found herself at a loss for words, and prayed she didn’t sound like an idiot. 

“I know. So what should we do now?”

As soon as Hope was about to lean in and kiss Josie’s pouty lips, she heard a rustling in the forest beyond them. Her protective instincts kicked in as she shifted herself in front of Josie (although she knew damn well the siphoner could look after herself), a growl forming low in her throat. 

“Who’s there?”

The silhouette of the personification of a chicken emerged from the tree line. Landon waved at them, like they were friends, like he hadn’t dated both of them, like he hadn’t dumped Josie or Hope and like Hope hadn’t dumped him for Josie. 

“Uh...I heard you girls had some fried chicken. I was wondering if I could have some. I’ve been dead all morning so now I'm really hungry.” Landon’s voice was rich with nervousness-it was as if he had finally realized that two very powerful supernaturals were looking at him with anger and disdain. 

Without saying a word, Josie and Hope made eye contact. Faster than Lizzie spitting out Chicken Ric, their attitude changed. Suddenly, they were smiling, in the way villains smile right before they do something evil. 

Landon took a step back. 

The girls took a step forward. 

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> #poachbirdboy


End file.
